Doggy Hammock

So the other night I heard straaaange noises from under my bed.  As a mature adult, I stayed put, because everyone knows that if you get out of bed, the monster will eat your feet.  FACT.
After a little while, the sound got annoying, so I JUMPED as far from the bed as I could and switched the lights on.  HA, that'll show the bed monsters.  I DARE them to catch me. 


Well, I get down on the ground to try and see if I can spot where the sound came from.  I see two glowing eyes and I hope it's Walker.  Phew.  It is.  


THIS IS WHAT I SEE.   

AHHHHHH.  My box spring!! 

Mind you, I have a king-sized memory foam bed with approx half-a-billion pillows. Not to mention his sheepskin lined man-cave, or goosedown cubby in the closet.  Nope, he's got to make a new bed.  IN MY BED.   Grrrrr.  So mad, but what can I do?!  I do what anyone would do seeing this insouciance.  I melted, snapped a photo, and thought it was the cutest damn thing ever.  Kind of like when a baby pukes on you.  Annoying, but adorable.  

As my friend said, "You see box-spring, he sees hammock."

Sometimes I think Walker is just plain weird.  Case in point, He likes to make beds.  He is constantly 'feathering his nest.'  Be it hoarding his stuffed toys and napping on them, to knocking over my rainboots and smooshing his face all up in one of them.  Just. Plain. Weird.
Once I came home from work to find a bag of potatoes busted open and rolled into a corner.  And, you guessed it, another--uncomfortable looking--nest for the king of the house.  (Don't worry, I washed the potatoes,  hehhehe)

I'm terrified to see what he will do next.  xo

Stuffed Mushrooms!

Alright, so I did it again.  I bought produce that I don't really like.  When I'm at the store, I get so overwhelmed by all the choices that I cant decide what to buy!  So, I buy everything.  :)  Last week it was bananas, this week, it was mushrooms.  Don't get me wrong, mushrooms can be delicious.  They're meaty, rich, and make a phenomenal base.  (One of these days I'll show you how I make an orgasmic Porcini Mushroom Risotto)  I don't know what it is, maybe the texture?  I'll eat them if I have to, but given a choice, I'll choose something else.  
So. Down to business.  Stuffed Mushrooms.  This is the perfect recipe for guests.  Depending on the size mushrooms you buy, they could be an hors d'oeuvre or a side dish.  
For this recipe, I used baby bella mushrooms--also known as crimini Mushrooms.  They are (if you haven't guessed) baby portobellos!  Since they're still small, they haven't achieved the depth of flavor that the big ones have, but that's ok.  We're going to roast them and enhance their delicate flavor with other UHMAZING ingredients. (swine, cheese, and crab)!!!! 


You will need:


6 strips bacon
A package of baby bellas
1/2 c minced red onion
1 clove garlic
4 oz cream cheese (room temp)
1/2 c grated parmesan
a can of lump crabmeat
salt/pepper


Preheat the oven to 350.


In a nonstick skillet, cook the bacon until crispy. 
While that's cooking, take the mushrooms and gently wipe the top with a wet paper towel.  Don't rub!  Flip them over, and with a quick pop, take out the stem, leaving a lovely, deep mushroom cap bowl.  Do this to all of them, saving the stems.  Once finished, take all those stems and mince them finely.  Also at this time, drain the crabmeat and put it into a mixing bowl you'll set aside.
At this point you can put the caps into a baking dish.


When the bacon is done, set it aside to cool, and from the pan, remove half the bacon drippings (SAVE THEM!!)  Into the baconey pan, add the finely minced onions.  Let them brown over med-low heat for about 7 or 8 minutes, until they're golden and translucent.  At that point, add the minced garlic and mushroom stems and continue to cook for another 8-10 minutes.  

When it's ready, it will have reduced by half.  At that point, add a three-finger pinch of salt and a few grinds of pepper.  To the pan, add the cream cheese, parmesan, and crumbled bacon, stirring well to combine everything.  It will get melty and be kind of a single lump.  When it's incorporated properly, add it to the mixing bowl with the crab in it and GENTLY fold it all in with a spatula. You don't want to break the crabmeat too much.  

Into a ziploc baggie goes the mixture.  Cut off a corner (oh, about 1/4 inch in, depending on the size of your mushrooms)  Squeeze out, directly into the mushroom cap cavity.  Be generous!  You'll have a lot of filling.

When they're all filled up, put the pan in the oven and cook for 20-25 minutes (again, depending on the mushroom size).  As they cook, they will release A LOT of water (the bigger the mushroom, the more water).  So when they are done, you'll want to transfer them to another plate immediately.  And save that mushroom juice!!  You can add it to a soup or gravy and it will be a THUNDERBOLT of flavor.

There you go!  All done!!  The best stuffed mushroom you will ever taste!  Try and time it so you can eat them fresh from the oven.

Banana Bread!

Last week, I bought some bananas.  I don't like bananas...I shouldn't have bought them.  But I'm on another workout kick, and the 'experts' say that a banana after a workout is very sensible.  Ehh.  I ate only one.  Sooooo, the other 5 have been sitting in my kitchen turning into unappetizing, desiccated ewww.  What to do with nearly rotten bananas??

Banana Bread!!

Easy peasy basic recipe.  It's one I've always known, and now I'm sharing it with you!  


First, preheat your oven to 350.

You'll need 2 bowls, one for the wet ingredients, and another for the dry.

DRY

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon each Cinnamon and nutmeg

WET

1/2 cup butter (1 stick)

5 reeeeally overripe bananas, smooshed up

2 eggs 

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Combine the dry and wet ingredients in separate bowls, then gradually add the dry into the wet.
If you like, you can fold in a cup of pecans or walnuts.

Pour into greased loaf pans and bake for 40-45 minutes.  Let cool a bit, and slather TONS of butter all over your warm bread!

Diviiiine!

The peeps at work are going to be so happy tomorrow!

Guilt-free Ranch Dressing!!

Last night I made some sweet potato fries.  The best thing with those fries would have been some ranch!   I used to be addicted to the stuff!!

Well, I took the bottle out of my fridge and looked at the nutritional information. A whopping 140 calories in a 2 tablespoon serving size!! Crazy.
So I put on my thinking cap and voila!

In a small bowl, combine 2 T sour cream (60 calories!) with 2-3 teaspoons water.  When it's all loosy goosy, add a teaspoon of hidden valley ranch mix. Then, if you're craving some extra kick, add a pinch of ground chipotle! Combine everything and there you have it!  A ranch dressing with less than half the calories.  So delicious! Sooooo guilt free!!

Zucchini Fritters!

So, I  had bought some zucchini earlier in the week and completely forgotten to eat it!  I had 9 of them, and there was no way they'd last another day, and there was waaaaay too much for me to eat in one sitting.  I had to think of how to get them to last a while longer!  Two options then!  Zucchini bread or zucchini fritters.  I chose the latter (ewwww bread).


First thing to do is grate the zucchini.  Chop off the ends, and grate it through a fine grater (skin and all). 

Once they're all grated up, you'll want to go to the sink and handful by handful squeeze out as much water as you possibly can.  Spread half the squished zucchini on a Viva paper towel and sprinkle some salt on it.  Put another paper towel above that and more zucchini and salt.  Then add one more paper towel, roll it all up, and leave it for 30 min or so in order to let go as much water as possible.  

Paper towel note--If you don't have Viva towels, use a regular dishtowel... If you use a plain brand of paper towel, it WILL disintegrate and you WILL have zucchini/paper fritters.  They're not as tasty...


Once you've got the first step done and waiting, take another bowl and crack 4 eggs into it.  To that, you'll need to add 
5 tablespoons fresh chopped dill (2T dried)
5-finger pinch of salt
Cracked black pepper
1c crumbled feta cheese
1 chopped sundried tomato (optional)

Mix all that up and when the zucchini is nice and dry, add it to the bowl.  

Add 1/4 c of flour and combine.
Add another  1/4 cup and when that is all mixed up, it should resemble a loose cookie dough.  If it doesn't, add a spoonful of flour at a time until it does.  

Preheat your pan on the stove over medium heat.  When it's ready, add enough oil to coat the bottom completely (I used coconut oil).  Wet your fingers and make a patty from the 'dough.'  Each patty should be about 2 inches across, and you'll need to wet your fingers for each patty.  You don't want them to stick.  

Let them cook for 5-7 min on each side until they're golden brown.  Be careful not to move them too early, you don't want them to fall apart!

Once they're done, drain on a paper towel and eat with some tzatziki!!  SOOOO DELICIOUS!

If I have extra, I put them in little baggies and take them to work for lunch.  :)

Tinga Time!!

I made Tinga de Pollo last night!!
I don't know if it's a legit South American dish or not...All I know is that it is delicious!
It's basically a stew/soup that you spoon over tortilla chips! 
It's pretty easy.
The first step is to boil 2 chicken breasts.  
Fill a large saucepot with water, add some cumin, oregano, smooshed garlic, a five-finger pinch of salt, cracked black pepper, and a bay leaf. Medium boil all of that until the chicken is cooked.  Pull out the breasts, and save the liquid.  Don't forget to toss the bay leaf...They're not really edible.
While the chicken is cooking, cut an onion in half and thinly slice both respective halves.  Put them in another pan (I used my cast-iron skillet), with a few cloves of chopped garlic and a little bit of oil.  

Cook over medium until the onions are translucent and kind of caramelized--about 15 minutes.

  
Once they're ready, Add a chopped up chipotle (from a can), and spoon some of its adobo sauce in as well.  You next have two options 


Option 1
3 tablespoons ketchup


Option 2
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar


Pick one of those options and mix that in with everything else.

Stir it up and then add what's left of the chicken liquid.  It's already seasoned, so it's essentially a flavored broth!.  
Let that simmer for about 20 minutes, you want to infuse the onions with all that flavor!

While that is simmering, here's a neat little trick for you to do.  If you have a stand mixer, put the chicken breasts into the bowl.  

Put on the mixer attachment, and turn it on med/low for about 15 -20 seconds.  

VOILA!!  Effortless, perfectly shredded chicken! (great if you're making a dip or enchiladas, or anything that requires shredded chicken!!)  
Now, when the liquid has been simmering for a while, taste it and make sure it has great flavor.  If you need to, add some more salt or pepper, or even more chipotle if you like it on the spicy side.  
The next thing you need to do is make a starch slurry. Equal parts potato starch (or cornstarch) and water.  Probably a tablespoon of each.  Mix those together, and then slowly add them to the simmering pot.  Keep stirring while you do this.  The point of this slurry is to thicken it up a little bit...We want it to keep together and be less runny.  The final step is adding the shredded chicken! Mix it all up, and boom, done!


To serve:


Tortilla chips
Shredded cheese
Diced Avocado
Sour cream


Crumble up some tortilla chips into a bowl and sprinkle shredded cheese over them.  Then add the avocado on that.  Spoon the Tinga over all of it (we want the heat to melt the cheese and make it all gooey) and top with sour cream!  

Enjoy!  It's super delicious and actually pretty easy to make.  

Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp!!

Oh goodness.  It was sooooo gooood!!  I made two!
First thing, there was so much fresh produce at the Dupont Farmer's market this week.  Several stands had rhubarb.  I've seen it before, but I've never actually tried to cook with it.  It's intimidating!  It's scary looking!  The only thing I've ever had that was that shade of fuchsia was kool-aid.  
Well, I bought some.  A pound.  
The market also had some magnificent berries.  Rasberries, blackberries, strawberries!! Such a good season for them this year!  Perhaps it was the mild winter.  I've never been a huge fan of berries, simply because it's hard to find that perfectly sweet berry with a little zing at the end.  Usually they're more tart than sweet.  But this year?! Decadent.  
So, I had rhubarb and I had strawberries.  PIE time!
At first it was going to be just rhubarb, but every reference I found on the interwebz said they needed a TON of sugar!  Sugar is delicious, but I try not to use too much of it.  
Enter the strawberries.  As I said, this spring, they are all soooo sweet! Why not let them provide most of the sweetness I needed!
So I chopped everything up into half-inch pieces and macerated it all with about a quarter cup of sugar.  I zested a half a lemon and squeezed the juice into the berries too.  
OOOOOh, let me tell you, it smelled so good! Like summer!
I mixed it all up and added 2 five-finger-pinches of potato starch--mixed it up again, and put it in the fridge for a few hours.  
Later on, when I got home from kickball, all I wanted was some cobbler.  
Ehhh, I was tired, sunburnt, and feeling lazy.  So I decided against the cobbler, and went with a crisp instead. Ohhh, it's way easier than making a pie crust. 


Easy Crisp Topping
1c flour
1/2c oatmeal
1/2c brown sugar
three-finger pinch of salt
1t vanilla
10T cold butter, cubed
1-2T cold water


The crisp topping is easy, I used quick cook, steel cut oats (super healthy)
Throw the dry ingredients into a food processor, and when the oats go all powdery, toss in the vanilla and butter and add a tablespoon of water slowly.  Pulse it until it it gets pea-sized crumbles.  It should look like crumbly soil.


When the oven is preheated to 350, dump the macerated fruit (and all it's juices) into a baking dish, and cover the top completely with the crumbly stuff, concealing every bit of fruit.  
*Sometimes I chop up some more fresh strawberries and toss them in with the fruit mixture right before baking. It makes for different textures!
Bake it for 30 min on a baking sheet and VOILA!!  
Delicious crisp!
Let it cool for 5 min or so, and serve it with french vanilla ice cream (My personal fave is the 365 from Whole Foods).
OooOOOooo, the piping hot crisp topped with ice cold vanilla ice cream!  Diviiiine!


Try it!  It's easy and delicious!